The Day I Almost Quit

It's noon and I still haven't put up today's blog post. Why?

Because I almost quit last night.

The last two weeks have been filled with some serious ups and downs. This year's NaNoWriMo project is not going easy on me. Some days the words have flowed well, but most days it's been an uphill struggle to keep moving forward. Not necessarily because the story isn't there, but because I'm not meeting my own expectations. Last year, I averaged 2,300 words a day and I was in love with my story. I knew exactly where I was going next, and the snags were few. This year, I'm lucky to meet the required daily 1,667 by midnight each night, I have no idea what to do in my next scene, and my entire story seems like one gigantic tangled mess.

I was hoping that last year's finished novel would be some sort of magical line in my writing career. Beyond this line, everything would be easier. Every first draft would be gold. Every story and character would be loved and cherished through the entire process.

Or something like that.

Instead: Reality. In all honesty, I knew it would be hard. No dream is ever easy to reach. No passion ever really reaches perfection. There's always more learning and growing and hard work to be done, even after harvest. But I was completely unprepared for how difficult this month would be. It seems my fifth NaNoWriMo is shaping up to be my most difficult. Last night, after ignoring my novel for as long as I could (it's only 36 days 'til Christmas--I HAD to finish crocheting that stocking), I finally sat down at 10:30pm and coughed up 1,000 words before giving up an hour later.

And then I tried to convince myself of all the reasons why it was okay if I gave up completely.

After all, I've chalked up four NaNoWriMo wins--that's not too shabby. We're all allowed to have an unfinished year, right? Why should I waste my time on a story I'm not enjoying? A story that will probably end up in the trash bin anyway.

And there was the truth. Or, should I say, the lies.

The story isn't good enough. 
I'm not good enough.
I'm wasting my time.

I went to bed discouraged and defeated--and while we're being real--with a soggy pillow.

But thankfully, dark nights are often followed by mornings of clarity. I was reading some sample chapters of an upcoming novel from one of my favorite authors (I'll be sharing those pages with you in a couple weeks, so stayed tuned for more info on that!) and I had a thought. It's a thought I've had many times before that has always given me new life when I'm in the writing dumps.

This book is made of words. Simple, everyday words put into sentences, put into paragraphs, put into chapters to make a book. The story is beautiful, well written, intricate. But it all begins with just...words.

I like words. I can handle that. I can do that.

So I sat at my computer and wrote 300 more words this morning. They might not be perfect, they might get thrown to the cutting room floor come December. But if I want to be a writer, I must be willing to risk the imperfect first draft. The messed up timeline. The characters who aren't sure who they are yet. The villains who seem undefeatable.

Because I don't want to be the person who missed out on a great story because she quit in the first draft. I don't want to be the person who misses out on future possibilities because I focused on present difficulties. My story might not make it to 50,000 words (it is a children's book after all, and I'm focused on the 35K-45K range) but I don't want to stop before THE END.

So, as a reminder for myself and anyone else who needs it, here's today's picture quote.

What's On My Bookshelf

Today's post is part of a link-up happening over at Anne Bogel's blog, Modern Mrs. Darcy. I love Anne's blog. She's one of those bloggers who has the ability to make it seem like you're just having a chat over coffee. Her blog has such a great variety of posts on books, beauty and fashion, and just...LIFE.

This week Anne asked her readers to share their bookshelves. If you know me (or if you've ever taken a gander at my "No Place Like Home" Pinterest board), you know what a perfect prompt for a blog post this is for me. I believe a home without books is no home at all, and someday I pledge to have at least one wall of floor to ceiling shelves. So, without further adieu, a peek into my living room...

These guys get the highest shelf, partly to be out of reach of small, dirty fingers, but mostly because it's my favorite shelf. This one holds all my vintage books, including some of my favorite classics. (Alice in Wonderland has a bookmark in it because it's inspiration for the NaNoWriMo novel I'm working on this month.) The best ones have inscriptions on the first page. You can read the most darling inscription in this Instagram photo.

What it looks like when you have more books than shelves. Confession: There's a book on this shelf that I bought this summer and still haven't read. But this shelf also holds the series I've read and re-read the most times: The O'Malley Chronicles by Dee Henderson. I met my husband, who was a firefighter at the time, right after reading The Protector. Needless to say, it's my favorite of the series.

This shelf holds some of my favorite, most magical children's/YA books, plus (randomly, I know--I'm surprised the cross in genres doesn't drive me crazy...) Blue Like Jazz and Start--two of the books I most often, and most highly, recommend. My Flavia deLuce novels get special attention with their poison bottle companion. And the thing that really makes this shelf awesome? The manilla folder you can just make out in the shadows to the right. That's my children's book manuscript, in all its printed glory.

And lastly, the overflow stacks. My bookshelves have pretty much reached their max capacity, so several books have wandered to the half wall between the living room and kitchen. As you can see, they don't always stay between the bookends. This is where the currently-being-read books (and a few favorites) live along with the novels visiting from the library and the pile of Relevant magazines.

Okay, one more (then I promise I'm done). My kids have their own shelves in their room, filled to overflowing. (Plus there's a basket tucked in next to the bookshelves in the living room that holds another pile of picture books, chapter books, and easy readers borrowed from the library.) One of the biggest goals I have as a mom is to pass on my love of reading. Yesterday my daughter finished one book she'd already started and then went on to read an entire Ivy+Bean novel. Mission accomplished.

Thanks for checking out this little peek into my world! Want to see what other bookworms are reading? Visit the link up post at Modern Mrs. Darcy and browse their shelves!

Picture Quote Monday {Valor}

Today I want to take the opportunity to say thank you. Thank you to all the men and women who have served the country and the people of the United States of America. I am blessed to have many friends who have, or are currently serving with the military. Some of my closest friends have watched their husbands go to war and prayed daily for their safe return. I am awed by their strength and humbled by their sacrifice. To all of you: enlisted, past, present, families...thank you for your selflessness, your courage, and your valor.

The medal pictured above belonged to my husband's great(x?)-grandfather.

The Hungry Novelist

Hello, all! Sorry for the quietness of the blog this week. But when your graphic design business hits the busiest time of year AND you're attempting to write 50,000 words in 30 days, you've got to make time for basic human needs, like figuring out the bare minimum amount of sleep you can get while still being able to function.

Which brings me to the topic of today's quick post.

Writing a novel in a month would be a lot easier if it weren't for the pesky necessity to eat, sleep, and have clean laundry. (Not to mention taking care of little ones if you have kids.) When you're trying to squeeze every bit of writing time you can out of every day, its nice to have quick and easy meal fixes. Getting up early and putting in a few hundred words before the kids get up has been saving my butt (and my word count) and this year I found a recipe that's saving my breakfast: Refrigerator Oatmeal. It's easy, delicious, and writing friendly. Win, win, WIN. It's one of those recipes I've had pinned to my Pinterest board for forever, but never got around to trying until now. It's perfect for NaNoing, because you can throw the ingredients together the night before and have a magical breakfast waiting for you in the morning. Plus, when inspiration hits mid-bite, you can type to your heart's content and come back to it. No more cold eggs or soggy cereal.

You'll need the following basic ingredients:
A mason jar with lid, at least half-pint in size (Or any other container with a lid. You could use Tupperware or recycle a jar!) 
Rolled Oats (The site where the recipe is from says to use old-fashioned, but I cheated and used quick oats and it turned out just fine.)
Milk
Greek Yogurt
Chia Seeds
Fruit and/or Jam or Jelly

And here's the recipe I've been using:

Refrigerator Oatmeal

1/4 cup uncooked oats

1/3 cup milk

1/4 cup Greek yogurt

1 1/2 tsp. dried chia seeds

1/4 tsp. vanilla extract

1 T. jam or jelly of your choice

1/4 to 1/3 cup chopped fruit of your choice

(My combos of choice have been strawberry jam, with peaches or mixed berries. You can use fresh fruit, or thawed frozen fruit.)

Place the oats, milk, yogurt, chia seeds, vanilla extract, and jelly in the jar. Put the lid on and shake until well blended. Stir in fruit. Refrigerate overnight, or up to 2-3 days.

Viola! You can find lots of recipes for different flavor combos, including apple cinnamon, banana peanut butter, and pumpkin pie, at the original post over on The Yummy Life blog.

P.S. I'm right on target with NaNoWriMo, at 8,806 words. The story is slowly building itself and I'm excited to see what comes about in week two as my character enters the woods. How is your noveling going? I'd love to hear your word count in the comments!

Countdown to NaNoWriMo (T-2)

When it comes to novel writing, I'm a pantser at heart. But in the interest of actually being able to finish what I start, I do have to do some planning before the writing begins. Honestly, I hate outlining, so my process goes something like this...

Figure out the beginning.

Figure out the end.

Figure out the rest as I go along.

That being said, I promised you a summary of this year's NaNoNovel in yesterday's post. Since I'm not entirely sure of all my plot points yet, you'll have to forgive me if it's a little vague and not quite dust jacket quality. Also, there's a slight chance I have trust issues am a bit paranoid about putting my ideas on the internets. (But there's also a chance that being chosen for 30 Covers 30 Days is a secret dream of mine.) All that aside, a promise is a promise, so here goes...

12 year-old Alivia knows what no one else believes: The woods took her mother. And now the forest is calling to her with two words whispered on the wind. 

Follow me...

On the other side of the trees is a carefree world where magic is real and the tea is always sweet. But once she enters, Alivia discovers a darkness seeping through the moss and golden leaves. A darkness she must stop if she's ever to see her mother again. At least, that's what the old white rabbit with the broken pocket watch tells her.

By the way, did I mention her mother's name is Alice?

Your turn. What are you writing this November?

Countdown to NaNoWriMo (T-3)

It's here. The final stretch of that exciting and often panic-filled week leading up to the start of NaNoWriMo. As November 1st nears I am once again afflicted with what I like to call "NaNo Nesting" in which I desperately try to clean my house, plan a workable schedule, make sure all my notes are in one pile, and double check that the tea stash is well stocked. Since I land somewhere in between a planner and a pantser, my NaNo prep doesn't usually involve a lot of outlining and mostly consists of lots of boring, non-noveling housework. So today, I wanted to share a couple of fun things I've done in between buying new Sharpie pens and organizing my kids' closet.

NaNo Playlist

While I have a definite appreciation for silence (I'm a mother of two young children. Need I say more?) I'm the type of person who connects strongly with music. These songs don't necessarily have anything to do with my story lyrically. Instead I tend to choose songs that drive me creatively and carry a certain emotional feel. My soundtrack varies from year to year, depending on what type of novel I'm working on. Here's this year's playlist:

1. Pure Imagination - Fiona Apple

2. Introduction - Noah and The Whale

3. Static Waves - Andrew Belle ft. Katie Herzig

4. Your Head and Your Heart - The Saint Johns

5. Fall Asleep - Jars of Clay

6. Follow Suit - Trent Dabbs

7. The Ladder - Andrew Belle

8. I Had Me a Girl - The Civil Wars

9. Amsterdam - Imagine Dragons

10. Whisper Something - Aaron Sprinkle

11. Trees - Twenty-One Pilots

12. King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men

13. Pioneers - The Lighthouse and the Whaler

14. Devil's Backbone - The Civil Wars

15. Youth - Daughter

16. Alright - Aaron Sprinkle

17. Stuck - Canopy Climbers

18. Shuffle - Bombay Bicycle Club

19. Radioactive - Imagine Dragons

Give it a listen on Spotify. Like what you hear? Follow the playlist to be notified of any updates to the track list.

Pinterest

Instead of downloading a bunch of images to my computer, I decided to create a Pinterest board for inspirational/reference images for my novel. You can check out the board called "Follow Me" (the tentative title for my book) and if it piques your interest, tune in tomorrow. I might just be sharing a summary of what I'll be working on this November...

So, do you also suffer from NaNo Nesting? How are you prepping for Friday?

The Small Things {October Edition}

This month's happies...

New Laptop!
As a writer, I'm not sure there's any gadget better than a new laptop, especially when you've gotten into several verbal arguments with your old one. No matter how many times I reminded it that being a writer requires, you know, RESEARCH, my old laptop approached the internet like a toddler approaches broccoli. That, combined with its propensity for greeting me with a black stare, finally pushed me to the point of being unwilling to risk an all-out crash while in the middle of writing (just the thought gives me nightmares). I was already an Apple fan, but after using my Macbook for a few weeks, I'll never go back to PC. This thing is the bomb. And so shiny.


Pumpkin Carving
You know on Halloween how there was that one house where the blinds were closed tight and all the lights were off--except for the TV that the people pretending not to be home were watching? Yeah, I grew up in that house. (I love my parents to death, but when I was a kid, my mom went through a lot of NO THAT'S EVIL phases. We laugh about it now.) Long story short, while we've always happily handed out candy, this is the first year our kids (who are 8 and 5, respectively) are going trick-or-treating, and also the first year we decided to carve pumpkins. We had a ridiculous amount of fun. And since we've had a typical Montana heat-wave-before-the-winter-storm-warning, we're probably going to do it again next week now that the black cat and headless apparition are starting to wilt.

This Guy
One advantage to marrying a guy who is a phenomenal cook, is that he offers to make homemade pasta when you forget to buy linguini to go with the zucchini parmesan. He has now requested a pasta roller/cutter for Christmas so that this can become a regular occurrence. My heart be still. I'm pretty sure I'm the luckiest lady in the universe.






Now on to the best month of the year.