For the Love of Books: My Journey to Rediscovering (and Making Time for) the Joy of Reading

When I was a kid, I read voraciously. The only time I didn’t have a book in my hand was when my mom made me put it down to come to the dinner table. (But breakfast and lunch—fair game for eating over a book.) I’ve been blessed with a constitution that was never prone to carsickness, so books came along on even the shortest drives to the grocery store or to church. I played hooky from Sunday School, with its ancient, gray-haired teachers and their flannelgraph illustrations, to hang out in the church library. I read probably 100+ books a year, purchased from the local bookstore (when I got in trouble, the worst punishment my mother could administer was to hand me my allowance but refuse to drive me to the bookstore), or borrowed from the library. I’ve lived in the same town for twenty-five years and in that time the library has rearranged its shelves twice (and is currently in the midst of a major renovation). Attached to the memories of the books I’ve read over the decades is a picture of what the library looked like in that moment, and in which corner of the building I browsed those particular shelves. 

As I entered my teens and more of my time was taken by work and friends and the freedom of a driver’s license, I compensated by spending my Friday nights reading until 2 or 3am, sleeping in til noon the next day. I got a job as a barista in a tiny parking-lot coffee hut; being a one-girl show during my shift not only made my introverted heart happy, but it also meant I could read between customers. Even when I got married, little changed. My husband worked nights, so I’d wait up for him, my books keeping me company until he got home at midnight—even later if he was on graveyard shift and the book was really good. During the first year of our marriage, I went through a Nicholas Sparks stage and cried over The Notebook long before it became a movie. Perk of reading alone late at night: it’s your book party and you can cry if you want to. I vividly remember lying in bed at 1:30 in the morning, bawling my eyes out through the final chapters of Mockingjay.

I read entire series while nursing babies (thank you, Boppy, for making it possible to breastfeed while keeping one hand free to hold a book). Board books and picture books were added to the library haul. By this point, I was seriously pursuing my long-held dream of writing my own books, and had shifted my focus to writing children’s novels after reading The Tale of Desperaux and realizing just how much beauty and depth could be contained in a middle grade novel. I read more of the kinds of stories I hoped to write, every book equal parts inspiring and oh-my-gosh-I’ll-never-be-this-good. Books were the things that fueled both my passion and my energy. Writing them felt magical, like I was doing the thing I was born to do. Reading them filled my cup, as both as author and a human being, expanding my knowledge of the craft and—as they had since I was a child—giving me a new understanding of and empathy for the world around me.

I was fortunate to have the choice to stay home with my kids, and even as I started to homeschool them, I still found time for reading and writing. I read Brian Selznak’s The Invention of Hugo Cabret and Neil Gaiman’s Fortunately, The Milk, each in one sitting while my two toddlers took their afternoon nap. My husband still worked rotating shifts, which meant the hours after tucking the kids into bed were mine to do with as my night-owl self wished. I penned my first two novels between 9pm and midnight. Social media was really becoming a thing, and I signed up for Instagram and Twitter, and in the latter found a thriving community of like-minded writers. I started spending more time online, talking with other writers, composing 140-character pitches for my stories and posting them on hashtags during Twitter pitch events, checking my notifications every ten minutes in the hopes that a literary agent would have liked one of my tweets and requested to see my manuscript. 

And then, it happened. I got accepted into a writing contest, and a few months later, I signed with my agent. Suddenly, I felt the self-imposed pressure to concentrate every spare moment on my writing career. I needed to write the next book, build a social media platform, contribute to the writing community. All while being a wife and mom and homeschooling my kids. 

Around the same time, my husband changed jobs, now working 9-5, no more nights or rotating shifts. Incredible for our family and quality of life, not so incredible for my established routine of reading and writing late into the night. I managed to write a little most afternoons after homeschool lessons were done, but that, too, ended when I took a full time job working from home. So I played catch-up in the evenings, scribbling notes between making dinner and ballet and soccer practice. Even after we transitioned our kids to public school, it didn’t mean I had more time, it just meant I had to do less multitasking. By the end of the day, my brain still felt like mush, and all I wanted to do was flop onto the couch, scroll through Instagram and watch Netflix with my husband. 

And so, I read less while my list of books I should be reading—and my guilt over not reading them—grew. You can’t be a good writer if you don’t read, and all my author friends were so well versed in current releases, talking about books and authors I’d never even heard of, much less read. At some point, reading became a chore, an obligation. I was part of two book clubs and was lucky to manage the chapter a week and book a month they required. Most of the books in the “read” section of my Goodreads profile were the ones my son picked for our bedtime reading sessions. I would optimistically grab books that caught my eye from the library shelves, but more often than not, they’d be due long before I had the chance to finish them. I’d written three books in four years but despite the wonderful and exhaustive efforts of my amazing agent, none of them had sold. I was cranky. All the time. I felt like I’d lost so much joy in the things I’d once loved, the things that had refreshed me and fueled my creative energy, my calling: books. But I didn’t know how to get it back. I just didn’t have the time.

Or so I thought.

The truth would come, appropriately enough, in the form of a book. 

My husband was reading John Mark Comer’s The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, and one evening he read me this staggering statistic: 

“The average American reads two hundred to four hundred words per minute. At that speed we could all read two hundred books a year...in just 417 hours. 

Sounds like a lot, right? 417? That’s over an hour a day.

But can you guess how much time the average American spends on social media each year? The number is 705 hours.

TV...2,737.5 hours.”

Comer goes on to say in a footnote to this passage that if the average person spent their annual 3,442.5 hours of social media + TV on reading instead, they’d read more than 1600 books per year.

My reaction: holy bleep.

By this point, I knew something needed to give in my own life, that I needed to slow down, reset. This was the nudge I needed. My husband had already planned a social media break for January, and I decided to join him. I have screen time reports on my phone, and I knew at that point I averaged 3.5-4 hours per day on my phone, but if you’d asked me, I would have told you the vast majority of that time was work related. I didn’t feel like I spent mindless hours scrolling the internet, but I decided to go a few steps further than staying off social media for a month, just to see what would happen. 

On January 1st, I initiated the following rules: 

1. No more than an hour a day on my phone. 
2. No Twitter, no Instagram, no surfing the web. (I lost all love for Facebook a long time ago, so saying no to logging in there wasn’t much of a sacrifice.) 
3. My phone would stay on my desk and not follow me around the house. 
4. Screen time limits on my phone would lock me out of the majority of apps, allowing only notifications of calls and texts, from 8pm until 9am when my work day began. 
5. All work-related tasks would be done on my computer or iPad. 
6. Evenings had to involve at least some quiet reading time, no just binge-watching TV (which my husband also agreed to).

I also made a stack of books on a side table in our bedroom—a physical tower of all the books that had been sitting unread on my bookshelves, some of them for years, that I most wanted to read. 

Thus began my experimental attempt to recapture the joy of reading.

It took only 6 days and 2 finished books for me to realize my problem had never been about a lack of time, but a lack of intentionality over how I’d come to spend my time. It turned out I was a lot more addicted to my phone than I’d thought. Without even realizing the extent, I’d fallen into a mindless habit of turning to my phone or the TV whenever I was tired, anxious, bored, or just had a spare five minutes. Once I broke this cycle, I suddenly had access to more hours in my day. Armed with my new-found freedom, I returned to the glory days of my youth. Instead of pulling out my phone in the dentist waiting room, I brought a book. Instead of tapping through Instagram at lunch, I read. Instead of squeezing in work emails while I waited for my kids in the school pick-up line, I finished another chapter.

The thing I found most surprising after a week or two, was that books weren’t the only media I consumed or activity I found time to enjoy. I still wrote (hitting 15k on a new project), watched TV, listened to podcasts, went to the movies, took walks, played games with my kids, went on a date with my husband—sometimes all in one day, with time to spare. Suddenly, I’d managed to do all the stuff I wished I had more time for, without feeling frazzled or guilty or exhausted. It felt like I'd taken a deep breath for the first time in ages and it felt amazing. But what had me bubbling over with an almost giddy excitement was the books. 

Leaving the library with a whole stack, filled with favorite characters I’d lost touch with, random choices that had jumped out at me from the shelves, and some that I’d been wanting to read for ages (if only I had time), I felt like a new person that looked an awful lot like the old me. It was like seeing my reflection in a mirror and realizing, oh, there you are.

Now, eight weeks and seventeen books into this year, I've realized that I tend to treat my time like I treat my money. When things get tight, I let go of the wants I deem less important than my needs, prioritizing what should stay and what has to go. So, I look at my full calendar and decide what gets set aside, oftentimes those things I love, that bring me joy, but that seem less important in light of my job, my spouse, our kids, and various "obligations." But unlike money, which is a very real and substantial thing and often requires sacrifice for at least a season to survive the now or to set ourselves up for future success, my lack of time was really an illusion. Especially as someone privileged enough to only have to work 40 hours a week to help care for my family. The time was there all along, I’d just spent it on a device that offered a distraction from my stress, anxiety, busyness, and boredom—emotions which, it turns out, were better treated by picking up a book. 

Despite the fact that cutting out social media for a month is what led to this discovery, I haven't become anti-social-media or anti-technology at all. I needed that break, and I'd encourage anyone to do the same, but I'm not going to advise smashing your phone or deleting all your accounts. On February 1st, I logged back into Instagram, just with a 15-minute daily limit. I still have that 8pm-9am downtime scheduled, and even extended it to all day Saturday, but sometimes my job requires accessing my work alerts on my phone and that's okay. I have genuine friendships that are based online, with people I’ve never met in person, and I think it’s great that we can make those kinds of connections with people we wouldn’t otherwise have in our community. When I hit publish on this post, I’ll share it on my online platforms, hopeful that someone will see it in their feed, read it, and maybe get something out of it. That’s the whole point of telling stories, after all. The hope that someone will read it and be impacted by it, whether inspired or simply amused, transported away from the heaviness of the world for a bit. It’s why I write books and why I read them—with a renewed sense of joy, thanks to some new and healthier rhythms.

That has been the most surprising thing about this whole experiment. Rediscovering something I love hasn't required giving up something else of "lesser" value or importance. It hasn't required “hustle” or getting up at 5am in order to squeeze more hours out of my day. It hasn't required finding time at all, just making time. As someone who is guilty of saying, "If only I had the time," it turns out I had more than I thought. Chances are, you do too. And if there’s a thing that you love, that you lost along the way, it’s worth the effort to find your way back. To make time. To put down your phone for a bit, look in the mirror and say, oh, there you are. And if, like me, you see a familiar bookworm staring back, maybe I’ll see you at the library.

How to Write a Synopsis

If you're interested in pursuing traditional publishing and securing a literary agent, after composing a query letter for your completed manuscript (see my query how-to here), there's one more thing you'll need...a synopsis.

Yes, the dreaded synopsis. It's practically a 4-letter word in the writing world. They're notoriously difficult and writers everywhere balk at the idea of having to condense their beautiful novels into a few paragraphs of factual prose that give away the ending. Tell us authors we have to write one and we'll go all April Ludgate on you.

As much as you may hate the prospect of writing one, if you're serious about getting published, you're going to need a synopsis sooner or later. Confession: when I first started querying, I was so overwhelmed and terrified at the thought of crafting a synopsis that I actually avoided querying agents that requested one as part of their submission guidelines. Don't be like me. Bite the bullet and take the time to figure it out and just do it. Not only will it expand your querying options, but writing a synopsis can also help you spot potential problems in your story and give you the opportunity to fix or strengthen those areas before you send it out into the world.

But why do some agents request a synopsis?

Agents get hundreds of submissions in their inboxes every week. Your sample pages are going to give an agent a glimpse at your main character, voice, and writing prowess (and hopefully hook them with all those things), but a synopsis gives them a more detailed view of your story, plot, and character arc before they commit to reading through your entire manuscript. Not all agents request them, but it's better to have one and not need it, than be scrambling to write one once it's requested, or to limit your querying options to only those agents who don't specifically list them in their submission guidelines.

How long should my synopsis be?

The answer—it completely depends on the agent you're querying. The general rule of thumb is 1-3 pages. My suggestion? Create a one-page synopsis and only go longer if the agent's guidelines state they want a longer version. Now, before you panic about the prospect of having to write two different synopses, it's important to remember that when writing a one-page synopsis, it should be single-spaced, but when you move to multiple pages, it should be double spaced. The synopsis for my 50,000-word middle-grade novel was one full page (just under 600 words) single-spaced. When expanded to double-spaced, it becomes two pages. So if an agency specifically asks that your synopsis be no less than 3 pages, chances are you'll only need to add one more page, or 300 words or so.

What should my synopsis include?

Your main character, sidekick/love interest, antagonist, inciting incident, main plot points, climax, resolution and ending, with your MC's emotions, reactions, and character development sprinkled throughout. The general rule of thumb is to name no more than 3 characters, and to identify everyone else by their role (mother, co-worker, teacher, etc.). Now, I freely admit I broke this rule and named 5 characters in my synopsis. But as with all writing "rules" I learned the rule first, then made sure I had a firm reason for breaking it: It was important that agents knew who my MC's mother was, and my MC's mother and brother play a crucial role in my story's climax and I hated how wordy and cumbersome it was to keep repeating "her mother" and "her brother" throughout the last paragraph. 

What are some basic tips for writing a good synopsis?

A synopsis should always be in third person present tense, even if your story is written differently. Leave out backstory and subplots. Be sure to use active voice, and avoid wordiness and unimportant facts. Strip your language down to only the most essential details. For example, instead of saying... 

On a hot and sunny afternoon, Marge goes to the beach to relax and take a swim, and while there she witnesses an argument between two strangers. Later that night, while watching the evening news, Marge is horrified to see one of the strangers' faces appear on the screen beneath the scrolling words "DEAD BODY FOUND WASHED UP ON SHORE."

...pare it down to the bare essentials:

Marge goes to the beach and witnesses an argument between two strangers. Later that night, she discovers one of them has washed up dead on the shore.

And remember, a synopsis isn't meant to be flashy or oozing with voice. It's meant to give the basic facts and show the story arc. Wow agents with your sample pages and stick with the basics when it comes to your synopsis. 

What's the magic formula for actually writing this thing?

Here's the deal...I'm not going to reinvent the wheel here. Instead, I'm going to direct you to my absolute favorite synopsis-writing formula of all time: How to Write a 1-Page Synopsis over at Pub(lishing) Crawl. There may not be one magic formula to rule them all, but in my opinion, this one comes pretty dang close. Not only does it take you step-by-step through creating your synopsis by using question prompts, in bonus nerdy brilliance it uses Star Wars as an example.

Now that you're ready to tackle the dreaded synopsis, take a deep breath. You can do this. And you're totally entitled to celebrate with pie/chocolate/wine when you're finished.

How to Write a Query Letter

Preface: This post is written with the assumption that if you've found your way here, you're most likely an author interested in either entering a writing contest, and/or pursuing publishing and hoping to secure a literary agent's interest. Once you have a completed novel (that you've hopefully edited and polished and had critiqued by other writers, making sure you've done your homework regarding good writing and plotting practices and appropriate word-counts for your intended audience), the next step is crafting a query letter. There are lots of different opinions about what makes a great query letter and in what exact order you should present the information it contains. This is what worked for me. The most important thing is to always follow the agent's/agency's/contest's submission guidelines. After that, it's a matter of learning and applying the basic rules of a strong query...and then not stressing out too much over a vague definition of perfection. 

First the basics: what is a query letter?

A query is a cover letter for your manuscript. It tells literary agents what your book is about, your book's basic information (age group, genre, and length), and a little bit about you, the author. All of this should be contained to one page, single spaced (typically 3-5 paragraphs), formatted with no indentations and double spaced between paragraphs (like this blog post).

Now let's take a closer look...

The Salutation

Always personalize your greeting. Seriously, this is SO important. I see agents mention ALL THE TIME that they would much rather receive a query addressed directly to them than an impersonal "Dear Agent" or even worse, "To Whom It May Concern." When querying, you should be researching each agent, looking at their wishlists and bios and submitting to those you feel would be a good fit for your manuscript. Never query an agent without first making sure they represent your age group and genre. Addressing your query to a specific agent helps show that you've taken this step. Also, triple check to make sure you've spelled their name properly before you hit send.

In cases of contests (or the occasional literary agency) where you submit one query to a group of people, rather than one specific person, you can still personalize your greeting with something like "Dear [Name of Contest] Team/Mentor/Readers" or "Dear [Name of Agency] Team."

Opening Paragraph

I always preferred to start my queries in one of two ways:

Option 1: Tell the agent why you're querying them specifically. But start with this ONLY if you have a specific reason that goes beyond "You represent my age group and genre and you seem like a super cool person." For example:

• You've met them at a conference
• They recently tweeted "I'd love to see [insert exact description of your book here] in my inbox."
• You have a referral from one of their clients. 

If you don't have a super specific reason, or you're subbing to a contest, then it's best not to waste any time. Instead go with...

Option 2: Jump right into your book's summary. 

Summary

This is where you showcase your story. Think of it as the back-of-the-book blurb. A good formula is to introduce your main character, place them in the setting, add the inciting incident that thrusts your MC into their journey, the obstacle in their way, the role the sidekick/love interest/antagonist plays, a pivotal moment when the conflict increases, and what is at stake if your MC can't overcome the obstacle.

I preferred to limit my summaries to two paragraphs, but sometimes you may need three. If your summary is longer than three paragraphs, you're probably including too much information. Keep it short and punchy! The first sentence or two should hook the reader and pique their interest, enticing them to read on. (Pro tip: Don't start your query with a question. An immediate introduction to your main character/plot will almost always be stronger than a rhetorical question.)

Here's my successful query for my MG fantasy, Follow Me, showing how I included the points mentioned above: 

Twelve-year-old Alivia Hart [MC] knows what no one else would ever believe: The woods took her mother. Now the forest [SETTING] is calling to Alivia with two words whispered on the wind..."Follow me." Alivia tells herself the voice is only in her imagination. But when a letter arrives from the Rose Grove School for Girls, [INCITING INCIDENT] Alivia must decide which she's more afraid of—a dull life of proper education, or the mysterious wood?

Deep within the trees, cats can talk, white rabbits wear waistcoats, and the tea is sweet [SETTING]. But Alivia soon encounters a darkness seeping through the moss and golden leaves. [OBSTACLE] A darkness laced with family secrets and controlled by a woman intent on continuing a bloodthirsty reign. [ANTAGONIST] As Alivia battles the evil that threatens to destroy both her and the forest itself, [INCREASED CONFLICT] it becomes clear victory will not be won within the wood. In order to rescue her mother [STAKES], Alivia will have to travel to the land beneath the Wondertree and fight not just for her family, but for a crown.

The most important component of your summary is stakes, stakes, stakes! Agents want to know who your MC is, what they want, what stands in the way of what they want, and what will happen if they can't overcome that obstacle. Also, don't give away your ending! The whole point is to entice the reader into wanting more — in this case, you want the agent/mentor to be intrigued by your premise and move on to your sample pages.

The Facts

In the paragraph following your summary, include your book's title, word count, age group, genre, and (if you have them) comp titles. 

Example: [TITLE] is a [#]-word [age group] [genre] that will appeal to fans of [COMP TITLES]. 

If you have other specifics about the book that you want to highlight (for instance, if it's inspired by your own cultural experiences, is a retelling of a certain folktale, or immerses the reader in a specific topic, like STEM) you could include that in this paragraph as well. 

A note regarding comp titles: You don't have to include these. If you do, try to use recent titles published in the last 2-3 years and resist the temptation to compare your novel to blockbuster hits like Harry Potter or the Hunger Games. Also, don't call your book "the next" anything.

Your Bio

This should come at the end of your query and, like comp titles, is completely optional. Don't feel like you have to come up with qualifications or interesting things to say about yourself. 

If you do choose to add a bio, it can include:

• Publication credits (And no, you don't have to call yourself "unpublished" if you don't have any, or state that this is your first novel.)
• Education (But probably only if you have a writing-related degree, or one that is relevant to your story.)
• Career (Again, probably only if it's writing-related or pertains to your story.)
• Professional writing organizations you belong to (like SCBWI)
• Contests/awards you've won

But keep it short and sweet; don't end up with a bio that's longer than your summary — always make sure you talk more about your book than about yourself. 

Now for my personal opinion on bios: Sometimes this part of your query can feel like the most difficult, especially if you don't have a writing degree or previous publications but you really want to include something. Or maybe the agency you're querying specifically asks for a bio to be included with your submission. What then? 

Some will say that if you don't have some sort of credentials don't include a bio at all unless you can say something relevant to your book. However, I feel that it's perfectly acceptable to include a short one- or two-sentence snippet that gives a glimpse of your personality (something I think is nice to include even if you do have credentials to list). 

For example, my query bio opened with "Mom by day and writer by night, I am a firm believer in the restorative power of tea and baked goods." So I say go ahead and include a bit about yourself, or mention what inspired your story, like a trip to a certain location, or a personal experience. When it comes down to it, it's highly unlikely an agent that is interested in your book based on the rest of your query is going to get to your bio and say, "This person isn't an award-winning English professor from Harvard? REJECT!" 

Closing

Finally, I think it's nice to close your queries with a simple expression of appreciation, such as "Thank you for your time and consideration." Then you can sign off and include your contact info (mailing address, phone number, email) underneath your name.

Once you've finished writing your query, it's a good idea to pass it along to a critique partner for further edit suggestions or even just a friend for proofreading. Another pair of eyes is always a plus before you hit send!

A Final Note

It's easy to stress over your query letter. Boiling the essence of your story down to two or three paragraphs can make you want to tear your hair out. But agents aren't looking for perfection. They do want to see that you've taken the time to learn the basics of what should go in your query, but what really matters is your manuscript. Do your best, focus on making sure that your MC's stakes are clear, and from there hook 'em with the writing and voice in your sample pages. 

And with that, I leave you with a message from Motivational Fox.

When You Wish Progress was a Cheetah, Not a Snail

Timing is everything. Or so they say. The problem with timing is that it’s often out of our control and isn't usually concerned with our opinion on how quickly it should move. There are few times this is better illustrated than when you’re working toward a dream. Dreams are rarely instantaneous, just-add-water-and-viola sort of things. And if that dream involves the publishing world, buckle up and enjoy the ride. For most of us, it will be proceeding at a snail’s pace. I hope you brought some snacks. 

But the idea of timing, while frustrating at times, has also become a source of comfort for me when I feel stuck in the middle, between where I am and where I hope to be.

As a Christian, my personal belief is that timing is all about God knowing what’s best for future me better than I do. But whether you believe things happen as a result of divine orchestration, or fate, or serendipity, or pure chance, I would bet you’ve uttered the phrase “perfect timing” at least once in your life. I've been thinking about this a lot lately—how perfect timing doesn't usually feel perfect in the moment. More like everyone else is speeding past you while you're standing still and screaming at them to WAIT UP like an irate toddler. 

That's the other problem with timing: It usually takes being on the other side of something to appreciate the path you took to get there. When it feels like you've forever been in a season of waiting—just on the cusp of seeing dreams come to fruition—it's hard to stop and think of the good things that have happened in the wait. To be honest, I'd often rather whine about how I'm feeling than have someone remind me to take a different perspective (and if that's you too, and you already want to strangle me, I feel you, but just walk with me for a minute...)

If my agent had signed me for the first book I submitted to her (almost 5 years ago), I would have never entered Pitch Wars. I would have never formed the close-knit friendships that have sustained me through the ups and downs of the writing process. I would never have had the opportunity to mentor other writers and their beautiful stories. Not only that, but I was a fairly new author, it was my first children’s book, and I was still ignorant (and in many ways just naive) about so much of what it takes to write and publish great stories. I’d never experienced the self-imposed pressure and expectations that come with writing book #2 (or #3, or #4). I hadn’t yet questioned my dream, or wondered if it was all worth it. If I’d gotten everything I’d hoped and dreamed of in that moment five years ago, quite frankly, it probably would have wrecked me. 

In the moment, it felt like failure. Now, I look back with gratitude for how things have ultimately progressed. 

This doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I have plenty of days where I'd rather just wallow—in disappointment, in sadness, in jealousy. Days when my inner critic tells me I'm a big fat failure. On those days, I need someone else to nudge me in a different, more honest direction. To remind me that I have to trust the process—I have to believe that when the time is right, it will happen. And that someday, I’ll look back and say, “Thank goodness it worked out this way.” 

Recently, I was listening to Annie F. Downs'* podcast conversation with singer/songwriter Ellie Holcomb. Ellie was telling the story behind her album, Red Sea Road. As she was getting ready to release it, her dad was diagnosed with cancer, and in the midst of his diagnosis and treatment Ellie missed a deadline, which caused the record release to be delayed. It was an additional blow in the middle of an already difficult time. But when her record finally did release, she received so many messages from people who had listened to her album in the midst of their own personal struggle and heartache who told her, “Your song came at the perfect time.”

And therein lies the comfort. So much is out of our control, but if we have faith in the process and trust the timing, we can believe that we will be better for the wait. And we can believe that the wait isn’t just about us, but about that one kid, out there in the universe, who will pick up our book one day...at just the right time. 

*Annie F. Downs is one of my favorite humans on the planet. We're not, like, IRL friends or anything, but I wish we were. Go listen to her podcast: That Sounds Fun.

Writing: A Survival Guide for INFJs

Note: If you don't know your personality type, I highly suggest taking the 16Personalities test.

The day I discovered I'm an INFJ and read my first personality profile, it was like WHO ARE YOU AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SPYING ON MY LIFE? Suddenly, all my weirdness made sense. As I continued to learn about common strengths and weaknesses for my personality type, it was illuminating not just for my everyday life, but for my life as a writer.

They say INFJs make up the smallest percentage of all personality types—less than 1%. And from my very unofficial surveys it seems like writers ARE the 1%. It makes sense, since most INFJs are naturally creative. But while being an INFJ can make us feel unique, it also comes with a unique set of challenges, especially as writers. These struggles are something all writers may face (and on the flip side, not all INFJs may struggle with these), but if you find yourself having a particularly hard time in these areas (like me), here are some tips for surviving and thriving as an INFJ writer...

Struggle: We tend to be more sensitive to criticism and critique.

Why this can be a problem: If you're going to write a book, you're going to need critiques and you're going to face criticism.

What you can do: Realize that critique of your work is part of the process and business of being a writer. And it is NOT personal. When your critique partners read your latest manuscript and come back with suggestions, it's easy to get defensive. It's also easy to despair. Resist the urge to get sucked into either of those whirlpools. Find writing partners you trust and then remind yourself that they don't hate you or your book, no matter how many comments they make on your manuscript. In fact, they want to help you succeed. Critique is essential to growth and success as a writer—and FYI, none of us ever reach a point where we've "made it" and no longer need feedback. If it's not coming from your CPs, it's going to come from an agent or an editor. Learn to see this part of the writing life as a positive, not a negative.

Criticism can be a harder beast to face. My advice? Don't dwell on it. I know—easier said than done. But again, it's par for the course as a writer. Reading is subjective. What one reader thinks is amazing, another might hate. Think about all the books you've loved...and the ones you didn't. Yes, it might feel like a personal assault when someone dislikes our book, but in the end, it's just one person's opinion, and we don't have to let that opinion become part of our identity—as a person, or a writer.

Struggle: We can be extremely private.

Why this can be a problem: We try to go it alone.

What you can do: Find yourself a community of writers who know what you're going through. You don't have to tell them every detail of your life, but having friends who understand the ups and downs of the writing life—and who can offer encouragement and a safe space to feel all the feelings that come with it—is essential to staying emotionally healthy as a writer.

Struggle: We tend to be perfectionists.

Why this can be a problem: We can be tempted to quit in the first draft, or edit and revise for ages, convinced our words are never good enough.

What you can do: Learn that first drafts and perfection do NOT go together. Writing is messy and it takes time. Find trusted CPs and send them your work even when you know it's not perfect. In order for that manuscript to grow up into a book, it has to leave the nest. It will be okay, and so will you.

And remember, editing doesn't stop until that book is in print. Any agent you sign with is probably going to request a few changes, and once you have that glorious book deal, you'll be working with an editor who's going to request a whole lot more. Learn to let go and not obsess over every comma. Or should that be a semicolon? Maybe I should just rewrite the entire sentence so I don't have to figure out which one is right...(Don't pretend you haven't done this.)

Struggle: We hate feeling like we're not making progress, routine tasks are an annoyance, and interruptions push us over the edge.

Why this can be a problem: Cranky writer snaps at anyone and anything that causes delays in their writing goals or interrupts writing time. Despair sets in and we begin to question our life choices. Is this really worth it? Is it ever going to happen? I should just give up. 

What you can do: First, give yourself grace. Life happens. Sometimes you have a week where everything goes according to plan and you hit your daily word count goal with ease. Other weeks, the kids get sick, or appointments stack up, or bad news leaves you mentally and emotionally exhausted. You're lucky if you manage a paragraph. Realize that this is okay. It may be frustrating, but it's also out of your control.

Secondly, learn to prioritize. 99.9% of the writers I know (including myself) don't write full time. We're also students, employees, business owners, SAHMs trying to juggle writing and motherhood...all with tasks that *aren't* writing screaming for our attention. It's easy for writing to become that thing we do when we've managed to get everything else done. I don't know about you, but I have a strong tendency to get overwhelmed by the length of my to-do list, and I don't always prioritize that list very well. I want to check everything off the list as quickly as possible, but what I need to do is decide what HAS to be done today, and what can wait until tomorrow or the next day. If I have a graphic design job that's not due for two weeks, I don't have to finish it in the next eight hours, I can space it over the next few days. As much as I hate the stack of dirty dishes next to the sink, they'll still be there after a quick writing session. Figure out what part of your day is going to be the best time for writing (said time may shift from day to day), and when that time comes, write. For me, it's usually in the afternoon when the kids' homeschool work is done and they're free to watch cartoons or play video games. Sure I could be tempted to tackle that stack of dishes, but it's a lot easier to write during that window of relative peace and quiet. Later, when the husband is home and the kids are running wild through the house with their Nerf guns, and the dog is barking because the neighbors have dared to pull into their driveway—then I can do those dishes.

Struggle: We tend to neglect self care.

Why this can be a problem: Creative burnout is a real thing.

What you can do: This goes along with the last problem, in that it's easy to push yourself TOO hard to juggle life and responsibilities AND write your novel. That's why balance—and knowing when to take a break—is so important. 

Confession—when I'm deep in a project, writing or otherwise, I forget to eat. Yeah, you're not the first person to make that face at me. This is the point where I usually lose people. I have a couple of friends who totally feel me on this, but most folks hear that and are horrified. ("You forget to EAT? How is that even possible?") Turns out it's an INFJ quirk. I mean, I'm in the middle of a five hundred-word streak! Having to stop and make food is SO annoying. Do you know how long it takes to microwave that noodle bowl? Four minutes! I just...give me a second...if I don't write this down, I'll forget this brilliant line...it's okay, I had breakfast this morning...I think...how long have I had to pee this bad? 

Even on days where the words aren't flowing, it's easy to spend hours trying to squeeze something out of your brain and through your fingertips. When you're not actively writing, your mind is still swirling, trying to craft that perfect sentence or fill in that plot hole. Soon you're tired and cranky and your brain is mush. Every sentence sounds idiotic. Your anxiety is skyrocketing and you're convinced you're a sham—you'll never be a successful writer. Who were you kidding? Whut R werds? 

This is your hint that you need to take a break. Rest. Do something that inspires you creatively and/or relaxes your mind and body. Take a walk. Listen to music. Watch a film or read a book. I'm not a person who believes you have to write EVERY SINGLE DAY in order to be successful. In fact, I've found that I'm much more successful at meeting my goals if I include consistent breaks and moments of rest. Take time to recharge. Your manuscript will thank you. And when you do get back to writing? Take a muffin with you.

I'd love to hear from you! Did you connect with any of these struggles? What strategies have you implemented to help you overcome? 

This post is also appearing on To the Shelves - be sure to check out the other great writing tips available on the site!

Yes, I Let My Daughter Bring a Screen to the Dinner Table

Yes, you read that correctly. I let my daughter bring an electronic device to the dinner table. And you know what? I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. (Okay, I admit, it's slightly less scandalous when I clarify that said device is neither iPad nor iPod, but her Kindle.)

I've managed to turn both of my children into voracious readers, and while my 8 year-old son still prefers for Mom to read to him, my daughter is a super independent reader. When she finds a book she loves, she hates to put it down. So on the occasions when she comes to the dinner table with Kindle in hand, I let her. Why?

Because my parents let me.

As a kid, I took my books everywhere. I read in my room, on the couch, outside, in the car, and at the dining room table. Sure, there were nights where my mom would smile and tell me I needed to put it down - just for a few minutes - to participate in conversation and, you know, actually look at what I was eating (something which I sometimes tell my daughter as well). But, more often than not, I only put my books down to shower, sleep, or do schoolwork.

I don't know about you, but I miss the days when I could just sit around and read, and the nights when I could snuggle up with a book until 2am and sleep in until 11 the next morning. I still bring my books to the table (but only for the occasional lunch-time read) and I'm no stranger to midnight (because JUST ONE MORE PAGE), but it comes with a little more guilt now. After all, there's so much that needs to be done in a day that I practically have to schedule reading time.

I'll forever be thankful that I grew up in a house where reading was encouraged, and where I wasn't often told to put my book down or turn my light off and go to bed (perks of being homeschooled). It's a huge part of the reason I'm a writer today. My love of words started early and was nurtured by parents who saw it as a good thing. Too soon my daughter will be dealing with the highs and lows of middle school. She'll have more responsibilities and more commitments. There will be friends and phone calls and boys and all sorts of other distractions. And one day, she might be a mom herself, who has to cook the dinner and dish up plates and she won't have the luxury of ignoring the rest of her family while she reads. But hopefully, through it all, books will still be a constant in her life.

So now, while she can, I'll gladly let her indulge in excessive amounts of reading, even at the dinner table.

Besides, she's reading Harry Potter. How do I tell her to put that down?

How to Wait Well: Get Out Your Pom-Poms

Confession: I don't always wait well. When I was a kid and I had to wait for something, I would just make a paper calendar with elaborately doodled pages and mark off the days until the SUPER EXCITING THING arrived. But give me a wait without a specified end date, and waiting well quickly turns into waiting cranky. I don't think anyone has ever died from waiting, but dang it if it doesn't feel like a real possibility some days.

Ask a writer what it's like to write a book and you'll get all sorts of answers. It's fun...it's challenging...it's fulfilling...it's exciting. And it's all those things. It's an amazing experience in which we sit at our computers and populate the blank page with words, bringing to life the vibrant world inside our heads as our characters whisper their stories in our ears.

...

Yeah, mostly it's this:

But honestly, I think the hardest part of writing comes once the book is finished, because if there's one thing all writers can agree on, it's that pursuing a career in the book world involves a whole lot of w-a-i-t-i-n-g. In fact, if I were to make a pie chart to illustrate life after writing a book, it would look something like this:

(If my agent is reading this, I promise that "write next book" slice is a lot bigger than it looks.) 😉

And the waiting comes with every stage of the journey. First you wait for agents to reply to your queries, then you wait for them to read your manuscript. Then you countdown the hours until THE CALL, and the moment you can officially announce I HAVE AN AGENT! And once you've waited for your agent to finish reading your revisions, guess what?

YOU WAIT SOME MORE!

Because once you're on sub, then you're waiting on replies from editors and eventually, if you're lucky enough to get a publishing deal, there's more announcements to wait for and more edits to complete, the countdown to publication day, and by then, you've hopefully finished another book and get to start the entire process all over again.

So, how does one survive? How do we wait well and not end up a hot mess, clutching our manuscripts and begging PLEASE JUST LIKE THESE WORDS I WROTE while consuming an entire pint of triple chocolate cookie dough ice cream? "Write the next book" is the suggestion I hear most often (for good reason). And of course, there's always the distraction of that never ending pile of books waiting to be read. But I've found that one of the best (and most fun) survival techniques is cheering on my fellow authors.

A great way to stop focusing on your own wait is to support someone else in theirs. And let's face it. It's super easy to fall into the comparison trap in this business. No matter where we're at in our own journey, there will always be someone who reaches the next stage ahead of us. What better way to beat down the green-eyed monster of jealousy than by celebrating others' success? (Something I need to remember not just in writing, but in life.)

I'm fortunate enough to have a great group of writing friends, both locally and online (looking at you, Pitch Wars 2015 crew) and they've been incredible examples of what it means to wait well and root for one another. My time in the waiting trenches would be ten times harder if not for their camaraderie. The writing world is such an incredible community precisely because of the support we lend each other, so...

Obsessively checking your email? Send an encouraging note to a friend who's in the midst of a first draft. Are the aisles of Barnes and Noble silently mocking you with their rows of bestsellers? Offer to CP or beta read for a fellow writer who desperately wants to be on those shelves, too. Procrastinating on social media? Retweet that deal announcement, blog post, or book trailer. 

While you're waiting for your own time of celebration to arrive, LET THAT CONFETTI FLY.

And, hey, a little retail therapy never hurts, right?